summer fun :)

i'm feeling great, and taking advantage of it :)  

saturday we went to strawberry fest with lindz and erik.  i am so glad i didn't have to miss it this year!  it's my favorite festival of the summer- and we ate our way through it.  we had strawberry smoothies, and kettle corn, and corn on the cob, and chocolate covered strawberries- fabulous!! plus i bought a new chai mug and a new hat.  all in all a great day :)

sunday we went to church- it was the first time i've made it there in a loooooong time.  kj was taking the girls pretty regularly while i was sick, but i was using it as a quiet morning to sleep in and rest in an empty house.  it was nice to get there and see everyone.  then we all went to my gpa's for father's day.  another good day :)

today the girls and i went to the park with julie and her boys.  we had a picnic and played in the sun.  and avoided the rain- yay!  i'm loving this extra time i've got to enjoy summer.   i'm really looking forward to the fireworks this weekend!  i was so sad that i was going to have to miss them- and now i don't.  yay!  

i want to throw a thank you (very late, unfortunately) out to brandi for the fabulous hat she made for me- i love it!!  i'm so sorry that i am a complete loser and forgot to thank you...  i'd like to blame it on the chemo, but really i'm just a jerk.  it's totally adorable, though, and i so appreciate you thinking of me :)  

i hope you all are feeling as well as i am right now...  and enjoying your summer :)  i'll post pics some time this week of all of our fun.  if i can fit that in with all the playdates i'm scheduling :)

newest news :)

hello all :)

my doctor just called me, and they have decided to back off of this whole bone marrow thing.  the PET scan didn't really reveal anything "new" about my marrow.  it still looks different, but not exactly consistent with cancer.  the PET scan did show some "activity" in the lymph nodes in my chest, but my doctor doesn't think that it's cancer there, either...  the only way they can figure it all out for sure is to do biopsies, but those are apparently pretty invasive, and dr. charleson doesn't think it's necessary.  he says his worry is nearly 0 at this point.  it's all abnormal, but they've decided to stop worrying about it.  and they said that i should, too.  my surgery is tentatively rescheduled for July 15th.  my surgeon is going on vacation tomorrow, so i have to wait for her to get back. 

so, i am apparently going to be froedtert free for the next couple of weeks... weird.  not sure what to think about that.  i was told that i should use the next couple of weeks to enjoy summer and play with my girls.  so i guess that's what i'll do.  i asked if my cancer would start to grow back since i'm not having any treatment right now, and he says it won't.  so i have to believe he knows what he's talking about.  

all in all, i think this is good news.  basically, my surgery was put off for no reason, and i get a couple weeks of extra playtime that i wasn't expecting.  so, we'll look at it as a positive :)  

non update

i have no new news...  i had the PET scan yesterday, but they didn't give me any results, so i'm waiting to hear something today.  we'll see how it goes...  thanks for all your good thoughts!

frustrated

my ct didn't clear anything up.  they have now postponed my surgery.  apparently there is something weird going on with my bone marrow.  they have now found the "abnormality" in both of my shoulders as well as my hips.  it appears that there is something in my marrow that is not typical.  the doctors are leaning away from it being cancer mets for a couple of reasons.  first off, my tumor shrunk so much during chemo that it would stand to reason that any other cancer would have also shrunk- not gotten worse.  second, the abnormalities are very symmetrical (in all of my joints) which isn't typically how cancer shows itself.  third, my pain doesn't seem to be consistent with bone cancer.  my shoulder only hurts when i move it in certain ways.  and the other shoulder doesn't hurt at all.  and my hips *were* bothering me, but haven't been lately.   they have absolutely no idea what it is if it *isn't* cancer.  but everyone seems to be "leaning away" from cancer.  and they're "hopeful" that it isn't...  

i'm angry, frustrated, scared, and upset by the whole thing.  this has completely thrown a wrench into what had been a well planned surgery.  my kids were covered, people were taking off of work...  it has affected more people's schedules than i care to think about.  i'm soooo frustrated and angry.  last night i pretty much just shut down.  i didn't call or email any of the people that were waiting to hear from me, and i went across the street to heather's with amy and julie.  we sat around and drank wine and coffee until 11pm and then i was tired enough to fall into bed without thinking about it anymore.  

the next steps aren't scheduled yet, but they most likely involve a PET scan and a biopsy of my bone and/or bone marrow- i'm not clear on that, yet.  i'll be sitting by my phone today waiting for my next directions.  ugh.

mri results

i got the results of my mri last night.  for those of you that don't remember, i had an mri on my shoulder on thursday.  they told me it was for unrelated pain.  my results have come back "abnormal".  they're not sure what that means.  so i'm going for a ct scan today of my shoulder and then a 2nd one for my abdomen and chest.  hopefully this will give them a better idea of what the problem is.  if necessary they will do a biopsy of the area.  looks like i can't have surgery till this is all figured out, so they're trying to get it done quickly.  i'll let you know what happens.  ugh.

sorry...

...i realize it's been a while since i posted last.  i have no real excuse.  this week has been super busy with the last days of school and all...  

here's the latest:  

i met with my plastic surgeon yesterday for about 2 hours.  i don't really have much "new" information from that, except that i was given a lesson on how to care for and empty my drains, which i will have 4 of.  gross.  but necessary, and hopefully they will be there for less than 2 weeks.  and i got not 1 but *2* fancy tank top thingys w/ special pockets made just for holding the drains.  and they have a velcro front since i won't be able to pull anything over my head for a while.  fancy.  and stylish. 

they were *very* nice at the office and answered all of my questions and didn't make fun of my fears, so i feel pretty good about the whole thing.  though i'm terrified of having surgery, at least i'm pretty confident that i'm in good hands :)  and the nurse was soooo sweet to me- she gave me her pager, her desk, and her cell numbers in case i have fears between now and then or after the surgery.  and she gave me lots of hugs, which you all know is what i survive on, so that was good.  

from there i went to get the mri on my shoulder.  still don't have the results on that, but i should get them on monday.  

then i went to have some blood work done.  those results came back really good- apparently my cbc is higher now then when i started treatment, so, yay!  

i've talked at length with a lot of different nurses and doctors involved in my surgery and they are all aware of my low blood pressure.  they're not as concerned about it as i am.  turns out it may be more of an issue of the size of the cuff they use to take my bp.  when they take it with a smaller cuff, i have more normal readings.  plus they're all pretty sure that my blood was diluted from all the fluids, so my bp probably wasn't as scary as it first seemed.  

last night i went to my support group again.  they are really a great group of women, and i'm really thankful that i was introduced to them.  it's really helpful to talk to people that have been there.  and being the most recent diagnosis in the group allows me to use all of their experiences to make my own decisions.  very helpful.  

as for today, i had a fabulous time at a playdate with friends this morning.  only to bring izzy home and have her puke in her crib and wake up with a temp of 101.5.  ugh.  the pediatrician says it's too early to tell anything so we should keep an eye on her over the weekend and proceed from there.  so, hopefully i won't catch anything that will push my surgery off.  

tonight i'm going to dinner with  a bunch of my friends from work.  we typically have playdates each week in the summer, but we're going out without the kiddos tonight.  should be fun :)  i'm looking forward to an evening with grownups.  though i did get one last night.  and i had grown ups to talk to at my playdate today...  i'm trying to squeeze it all in before surgery, though!  

poor kj- he needs a night out in the worst way.  he's also got a major cold going on that he's been fighting for over a week.  poor guy.  

onto the thank you's for the week :)

kate- thanks so much for dinner on tuesday!  i could eat my weight in the bread you brought us, and the pasta was fabulous, too :)  izzy loved it!

heidi- 2 meals!  thanks so much :)  we haven't eaten them yet, but i think the enchiladas are on the menu for tomorrow.  and thanks so much for freezing the stuffed shells- then we can use them when we need them :)  

lou- without you i wouldn't have been able to close my room.  you are a machine.  and i'm sad because i'm pretty sure you don't read this- but i'll be sending a note!

peggy and laurie- thanks so much for the cards.  they were so nice to read :)  

daddy- thanks for leaving work to watch symma yesterday for me.  she had a blast!

we gave julie the week off again, because so many other meals came in- but she really wanted to cook for us, so thank you for that!

i hope you all have a wonderful weekend and father's day :)  i'm going to try and be a normal person and give kj a break from his kids at some point.  on sunday we're going to my dad's so he won't have to entertain them all by himself that afternoon, at least!  

i promise, that at some point before surgery i will download new photos and put some on here for you.  i have some great ones of symma encouraging izzy to discover wearing her black olives as rings instead of eating them :)  

 

5 millimeters :)

just a quick update from the mri:  my tumor has shrunk "officially" from almost 3 cm to just 5 mm!!!  now, everyone pull out your rulers and check it out :)  

the flu

by now, many of you know that i was in the hospital for part of the weekend.  gotta love the stomach flu.  basically i puked my guts out nonstop from 2:30am-7am friday "morning".   i called my doctor as soon as they opened at 8am, and they sent me to the day hospital (where i get my chemo treatments).  when i got there, my fabulous neighbor and her friend took charge.  i was very dehydrated.  like *very* dehydrated.  they gave me more bags of fluid than i could keep track of.  they also took a bunch of blood to get different counts and cultures.  they kept taking my blood pressure, and it wasn't behaving.  i typically have a pretty low bp (usually 97ish/55ish) but i was getting some really low readings.  at one point when they had me stand up my bp was 60something over 30something.  they couldn't figure out why it was so low, so they continued to hydrate me, and see what happened with my blood counts/cultures.  basically they knew i was fighting an infection, they just didn't know where it was coming from.  and because my bp didn't behave i ended up admitted overnight.  i had a chest xray late friday night (came back negative) and was swabbed for swine flu on saturday morning (preliminary reports are negative- as are all of the blood cultures).  

by saturday morning i was able to eat breakfast, and keep it in my stomach, but my bp was still a bit low.  the doc decided that all of the fluids ma have diluted my blood causing the low bp. so in the end, i got 2 units of blood (although my bp had stabilized by this point) and sent me home about 6:30pm saturday evening.  

my parents stepped in and took care of my girls (thank goodness!!) so they still got to have a fun weekend.  izzy stayed with gma seeger, and symma went to the wedding in appleton.  poor kj was so bummed- he wanted to take symma to her first wedding *so* bad, but he didn't want to leave me in the hospital by myself.  i hope someone else gets married soon so i can make it up to him- he was really looking forward to it.  and of course she had a blast and danced all night and made friends with all the kids, etc...  

so that was my weekend.  the week ahead is very busy... i have my last couple days of school and all of my pre-op appts, and there's a support group meeting on thursday, so that will be fun.  i also am getting a massage from my friend lauren on tuesday!  yay!

thanks to everyone for your good wishes :)  i'm feeling much better now, and will hopefully stay this way.  unfortunately, my poor mom has the flu now.  which means that either izzy gave it to her, or my mom caught it somewhere else and now izzy's been exposed to it.  keep your fingers crossed for me that i don't catch anything else!!  i'm laying low today and trying to stay out of the way of germs till surgery.  of course i will still be going to school, etc... so that won't work very well :)  it's okay, though, my counts are on the way back up this week, and they gave me a bag of antibiotics every 12 hours when i was in the hospital, so i've gotta be pretty fortified, right?  maybe you should cross your legs and arms, too ;)

wednesday

my friend kate was told that she's in remission today!!!!  yay!!!  i'm so happy for her, and it's so good to know that this can/will all get so much better in the not SO distant future :)  go kate!!!

another good thing- my report cards are done!  yay!!  it's a load off my mind.  i still have a few more days to fill with teaching, but at least most of my deadline-y stuff is done.  it's not all turned in, but it's done.  so life is good :)  and tomorrow afternoon is our school carnival, so that should be fun.  half of the school goes out for an hour and a half, and then the rest come out.  i get to take my group out at the same time as symma's class, so i'm hoping i'll get a chance to hang out with her a bit.  there's going to be face painting, too, so that's always fun.  or at least interesting...

izzy is apparently cutting more teeth.  and has the diaper rash, drool, and tantrums to prove it. but she did discover that sucking on a big ol' triangle of watermelon feels as good as it tastes, so that made her happy for a short time at dinner.  poor little pudding.  and poor the rest of us. she's really miserable.  it will be a motrin night for sure.  good luck this weekend, mom :)

speaking of this weekend, kj, symma, and i are going to my cousin's wedding in appleton.  this well be one of symma's first weddings (and possibly the first she'll really remember) so it should be fun.  izzy's staying home with gma.  the possibility of no nap, teething, 2 long car rides, etc... was too much for me to handle.  i was going to try to leave both of them home, truth be told, but kj really wants symma there.  and dad and jill and lindz and erik will be there to help entertain her, so now i'm looking forward to it :)  

tomorrow is my mri.  keep your fingers crossed for results before the weekend!!  why do i always end up having these things on thursday's??  in any event- this is when they'll be getting their last measurements before surgery on my tumor, so we'll be able to find out exactly how much it has shrunk.  maybe it will be completely gone.  that would be awesome.  but i'm still having surgery.  i'm way to anxiety ridden to keep my boobs at this point.  don't need 'em, don't want 'em, and can get better ones :)  

surgery is 2 weeks from tomorrow.  ugh.  let's focus on better things- kate's in remission, and i only have 4 more days of students :)  yay!!

monday

good evening one and all :)

this will be short, because i am freaking tired...  but i felt i should write :)  

i had a good day yesterday- felt good all day!  i went to pick n save in the morning- something i hadn't done in ages.  i took gil with me to push the cart and do all the heavy lifting.  it's good to have 2 husbands :)  which translates to: thanks gil!!  then i went to open house in the afternoon.  for those readers that aren't seegers or daubs or their extensions- that's what we call our family reunions.  they used to be every month... these days we have about 5/year.  it was really good to see everyone.  

we did a cookie bake-off to replace my late gma's famous chocolate chip cookies that she brought to every single open house for all of our lives.  it was really nice- there were nine people brave enough to try (i ended up not being one of them even though i bought all the ingredients.  it was, in fact, the sole reason for the aforementioned pns trip.  then i lost my energy and was told to go rest.).  they were all delicious, but in a hidden ballot (the cookies were all put into identical containers and given numbers) my gpa and uncle won!!  so, apparently gma had her hand in picking the winners ;)  someone said it was the oven... i'm positive it was the aura.  standing there with the whole family, in my gma's house, with everyone laughing and eating cookies, i suddenly caught a glimpse of an awesome picture of my gma on the top of the tv.  she was smiling her beautiful smile, and like a fool i started crying.  but i miss her, so i guess that's my excuse.  i often wonder what she would say to me, or be doing to try and make all of this go away.  because i know that she would be doing everything she could.  as is everyone else :)  

here are a few new thank you's:

auntie kathryn bought me a beautiful plant that i'm going to try really hard not to kill :)  thanks so much!  it's really pretty :)

lindz and erik bought me an adorable little peace sign necklace as a "you're done with chemo" gift.  so sweet, and i heart it muchly.

mrs. douglas sent me a really nice card and book via michelle- thank you!  i look forward to reading it :)

shawon made me coffee at school today when i was running too late to make my chai- yum- she even sent down creamer so i could add my own :)

i have my mri on thursday, not sure if there will be any news before the weekend or not, but we'll keep our fingers crossed!

a bit of this and that

hello everyone :)

my mom told me that i haven't blogged in awhile- sorry... this week there hasn't been much to talk about.  i stayed home on monday, but felt pretty good (at least not as sick as i had expected).  i went to the "look good, feel better" class in the afternoon.  it was nice- i met a few more nice women that are too young to have cancer.  4 of the 5 of us there were under 40.  one of the women was under 30!  ugh.  it's a really nice program- i got a whole lotta free make-up. all name brand- chanel, aveda, prescriptives, etc... and the woman giving the class was very kind.  can't say i really learned anything new about putting on make-up (been to too many mary kay classes for that!) but it was really nice to sit with a bunch of other bald ladies and chat :)

i worked on tuesday and wednesday- not much exciting about that.  i was pretty sick on wednesday, though, so i stayed home on thursday.  then went back on friday.

on wednesday night i found a lump on izzy's wrist.  when i woke up thursday morning all i could think about was the lump, and since i was home sick i decided to take her to the doctor.  they were very nice- got me in before the "sick kid" time slots and put me right into a room so i wouldn't get exposed to very much (i've been avoiding the pediatrician because of all the crazy germs that are there.  poor kj has been doing that duty and there is nothing he hates more than taking the girls to the doctor.  luckily, they've been pretty healthy lately.)  in any event, the good news is that the lump is actually a very common cyst.  our ped could tell by looking/feeling it that it wasn't anything to worry about.  she said that it should resolve itself. and it doesn't bother izzy at all, so that's good :) 

my newest development is a sore on my esophagus.  this is a fairly common side effect (at least no one at the doctor's office is surprised by it) of the chemo.  they've been asking me all along about mouth sores, which i've been lucky enough to avoid, but this is pretty much an extension of that, i guess.  your esophagus and intestines are lined with fast growing cells (the type the chemo kills) so they are often bothered by the chemo (hence the nausea).  i've got a couple of different prescriptions to deal with this sore, so hopefully in the next day or so it won't feel like i'm swallowing over a shard of glass stuck in my throat anymore.  

someone i love found a lump in her breast last week and i'm happy to say that she took it very seriously.  she went right to the doctor, who sent her to get a mammo.  after a couple of tense days of waiting, it has turned out exactly like it should for someone our age, and she's a-ok :)  it is an irritated milk duct.  so, ladies, get them checked- they don't always turn out bad, and the better you know your boobs the better chance you have of finding something that shouldn't be there!  my sister also has finished all of her base line testing and has been given a clean bill of health.  yay!!  

now for thank-you's:

-this week kate brought us dinner on tuesday- yummy cous cous salad and bread :)

-i got a card from glen with an article about ginger and chemo/nausea- very sweet :)  lots of you  have mentioned that to me now, and i have tried it a couple of times this week- not sure if it's    helping or not, but i'm trying it...

-julie brought us dinner on wednesday- amazingly delicious minestrone stew.  sooo good!

-julie also brought us dinner from her friend kate- i've never met kate, but she's heard about  me from julie and wanted to help.  how amazing is that?  we haven't eaten it yet, but i'm sure it  will be yummy- i think perhaps tomorrow :)

-lisa brought us dinner on friday- cheese ravioli and brownies and salad.  yum!  loving it :) 

dinners are so thoughtful and much appreciated.  as i've said before, i really think that poor kj is getting the rawest deal in all of this.  having a prepared dinner handed to him so that all he has to do is heat it up is wonderful.  and everyone has been so nice researching vegetarian recipes for us.  i don't think that anyone that has cooked for us (except erika) is a vegetarian, but everyone has been so thoughtful.  so, thank you to all of you :)

so, all in all, i'm doing well.  i have report cards due this week, and the start of my june appts.  i sure hope i can keep them all straight :)  i will do a better job this week of blogging... maybe some pics of my kids for entertainment's sake!  thanks for all your good thoughts and warm fuzzies- i appreciate them!

thank goodness it's the last one

...because if it wasn't i'm not sure how they'd get me back there.  i was sooooo sick this weekend.  and weak.  i couldn't even talk on the phone.  saturday was by far my worst day so far in this journey.  as a matter of fact saturday topped my sickest day ever (finally beat out chicken pox when i was 15).  

and to top it all off i had an adverse reaction to the compazine they gave me in my iv on saturday to try and help my nausea. not only did it not help my nausea at all, but it made me completely unable to be still.  i couldn't sleep, read, watch tv, or futz on the computer.  i was totally agitated and anxiety ridden, and could do nothing to stop it.  it was fabulous. 

yesterday i started to feel a bit better, but i was soooo weak.  i couldn't hold a decent conversation- or even the phone up to my ear for very long.  i couldn't hold my book to read.  i couldn't hold my arms up high enough to type.  so, obviously, today is a bit better :)  i'm still home, but may go back tomorrow.  i'll probably go back tomorrow.  maybe.

this afternoon i have a class at the hospital called "look good feel better".  they're going to teach me stuff about my hair hat, and putting on eyebrows and eyelashes and makeup and stuff.  so i maybe won't look so sick.  my eyelashes are almost all gone now, and my eyebrows seem to be going, too.  ugh.  

in any event, i don't have to go back for any chemo until some time in july.  and that chemo is supposed to be "a walk in the park" compared to what i've done...  so now i just have to recover until surgery :)  i'm looking at it as 1/3 done.  surgery will be 2/3.  and the taxol will be the end.

i have loooots of thank you's to put out :

glen- thank you for the sweet letter and gift- it's much appreciated :)

moriah, kate, lou, and julie- thank you so much for the meals- they have been wonderful!

mom, dad, and jill- thank you for all of the babysitting!

peggy, sherry, melissa, and lori- thank you for the notes you have sent.  i love getting mail :)

and all of you that have commented so i'm not writing to myself- thank you!!  makes me feel good :)

here's to a better week- never thought i'd look forward to monday!