how am i going to pick up my baby?? and hug my husband who is a foot taller than me? and i'm not going to be able to sleep on my side- for months. which means that kj won't be able to hold me so that i can fall asleep. for months. i'm going to have to reorganize my kitchen and my refrigerator. and my closet.
i'm not sure what sitting and crying about it is going to help. but that's what i've been doing. because that's something else i'm really good at lately. crying. like a dork. what good is it? all it does is pull out more eyelashes.
this whole situation gets more assinine as the days go by. not only is it cancer, but it's the most aggressive kind. oh and you need chemo- lots of it. more than normal people- let's do it twice a week. and lets have surgery a week after school gets out. surgery that will take 3 months to recover from. just in time to go back to school. and at some point in there, we'll restart chemo too. but that chemo isn't the bad one- it'll just make me tired. tired. cuz i'm not there, yet? i'm so tired that i can't play with my kids. i sit and do nothing- watch tv or futz on the computer. and then i take a 3 hour nap. and on the days i actually do stuff, i pay for it the next day.
i'm putting it out there. cancer sucks. and i know i have to think positively. and i know that it's all about attitude. but it sucks. and i'm tired. and i'm not going to be able to lift my babies, or hug my husband, or get cuddled at night for months. and for those reasons, i'm allowing myself a midnight pity party. i'll try harder tomorrow...
9 comments:
my darling girl... you will be hugging and holding because that's what you want to do and i've never seen anything stop you yet. in this case, being stubborn is a good thing.
your tall husband will come down to your level and your kids will climb up. Izzy is trying to climb all the time so don't even think she won't be able to climb up for a hug.
and of course you'll be cuddled, maybe not the same way, but you'll be cuddled.
you're more than entitled to a pity party... you've been incredibly strong throughout so far, so get it out now and then get back on the positive bandwagon...
love you...mom
Yep, you're entitled ... and your Mom is right! You will figure out a way to love on your babies and your husband. They will meet you where you are ...
You're doing great, Meredith. Cry it out and then move forward. We're all proud of you!!
Love, Peggy
There once was this real tall basketball player named Manute Bol. And the coaches were too short to be able to reach his arms and hands to teach him to shoot free throws properly.
So they had him kneel down. Now the coaches were tall enough to position his arms and hands.
A standing husband can be hugged around the waist. A kneeling husband can be hugged around the shoulders.
Hmm... you get to put the man on his knees any time you want. That's power :-)
I have an idea for the bed-cuddling, too, but you're going to need an extra-long mattress. Further than that I can't say in public :-)
"Uncle" Lloyd
count us all in as attendees to your pity party- which you are certainly allowed to throw every now and then. You are totally right- this does suck! but you will fight and you will win and someday this will all be past. But until then- you suck it up, get through each day and be as grateful as you can that you married a man who loves you so much he will kneel to hold you, lift your kids up to kiss you and sit behind you to cuddle you (we all know he will).
Hope your pity party lasts just the right amount of time. Sending you warm fuzzies
thanks guys- i'm working on coming around... we'll see how the doctor goes today. maybe my last chemo for a while!
You go girl- throw the biggest pity party you can. You earned it:)But when you're done partying just remember how lucky you are to have baby's and a husband that you will help you find a new way to snuggle and a new way to pick up and hold.You are truelly a very very strong and amazing person with a truelly amazing family:) Keep the love and happy moments flowing:)
Sarah
Hi Mer...
I've been gone for a few days and just got back.
I thought you were having a POT party, so I decided to have one too. I was sitting on my front porch partying away when the cops showed up. They were so nice, they invited me to THEIR party. They even drove me to their place in this really neat car. When I got there though, they said I was mistaken and it wasn't a POT party, but a POLICE party.
Wow. Do THEY know how to party.
Took me this many days to get back home.
xxxoooxxx
Kathryn
Yeah I think you are entitled to having a pity party. Hell I throw myself one just when I have to get up in the middle of the night with Gavin. You my dear are going through so much and have been so positive. You need to get your emotions out there. You can't be all smiles all the time. Just keep up what you are doing and remember to let it out every once in a while. ((HUGS))
Deyana
kathryn- i want to come to your party instead :)
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