3/4 done :)

got number 9 yesterday :) yay! not much else to report... but i'm glad that i have another one under my belt. have a busy, busy weekend planned- let's hope i can stay awake for it! thanks for all your good thoughts yesterday- they helped!

xoxox to all of you :)

tomorrow...

should be number 9 :) keep your fingers crossed... i didn't end up having the neulasta shot, so i'm nervous about my blood counts, but we'll see.

i'm finally done with my antibiotics. i took my last one on monday. so, if i'm still infection free next thursday, i'm in the clear. yay! i haven't had any redness or pain since i left the hospital, and my incision is healing nicely, so i'm not too worried.

i had a good weekend- very little pain. i'm still really sleepy, and took a lot of naps, but i felt good when i was awake. my dad and jill took both girls from 4pm on saturday till 5pm on sunday. it was wonderful. kj and i slept in on sunday and then went to brunch together. then we lazed around on the couch watching football and doing schoolwork/laundry/dishes for the rest of the day. i also managed to get my garden pulled out and dragged down to the curb. all in all, a great day :)

i'm realllly tired. i've been coming home from work, eating dinner, and then resting in my room till the girls get ready for bed. then i help with their bedtime, and sit on the couch and watch tv till i go to bed. i'm not very helpful for poor kj.

the good news is that (after being fired by our last one) we have found a new cleaning person :) she's coming this friday for a walk-through, and then will begin cleaning next week. hooray!!! kj and i have always had trouble in the housekeeping dept, and now it is the absolute *last* thing i want to spend any amt of energy on. and kj just can't keep up. so, we're going to try having her come in every other week until christmas, and then we'll see how i feel after that. of course if kj gets laid off we'll have to change that plan. but i'm not thinking about that right now! he's been working solid for awhile, now, and i'm hoping he makes it through till at least january. fingers crossed :)

i'll let you all know how it goes tomorrow- hoping for lots of white blood cell production tonight- do you think peanut butter m&m's help make them? cuz if so, i'll have a *ton*! maybe even extras :)

2/3 done :)

had chemo number 8 yesterday :) hooray! had a hoooooorible night of sleep, though. for some reason, it felt like there were bugs crawling up and down my spinal cord. like i would assume restless leg syndrome feels like, only in my back. gross. and frustrating. and that was *with* my sleeping meds. ugh. after about 2 hours i was finally able to fall asleep on the couch. i'm so glad i was able to get chemo though that i don't mind too much.

my white counts were a bit low yesterday. they actually had to separate and count them out by hand to make sure my nuetrafils (sp?) were high enough. i guess those are the important 0nes
for chemo. i may be getting a neulasta shot to help boost the cells.

i had them check to see if i was anemic and i'm not... but no one is surprised by how tired i am. i did get a nap in while i was getting treatment, so that helped some :)

hoping for the steroids and sleeping meds and chemo to play together nicely tonight so that i can sleep... we'll see how it goes :)

the stuff of fancy...

i want to be rich. so rich that i can have a massage whenever i want one. so rich that the massage will take place at my house so that i don't have to get dressed and drive home. so rich that i would be able to sleep after my massage, or put on my robe and go lay by my pool until someone brings me something to drink, or read, or whatever else i want to do.

barring that, i'd like to have enough motivation and energy that i bound out of bed each morning at 5:20am ready to face my day. i want to spend the day teaching engaging lessons to children that love learning. and at the end of the day, i want to come rushing home to play with my amazing children w/o ever sitting down on the couch or in front of the computer. i want to cook my hubby dinner a couple of times a week so that he isn't the only one feeding everyone. and then, i want to tuck my joyful little bundles into bed, and have enough energy left over to clean my house, and do our laundry, and then sit down with my hubby to watch a show.

just thought i'd share :)

7 down!!!

i got my chemo yesterday :) hooray! 5 left till i'm finished. so, if there are no further complications, i should get my last one on november 18th. i see my oncologist again on the 11th. feeling really good today, which is a good thing because i have parent/teacher conferences till 9pm. then i'm off tomorrow with my girls. we're going to get an emissions test- jealous, aren't you???

things that i learned/had reconfirmed with dr. c yesterday:
1. the random muscle pain i have been having is most likely related to the surgery. any pain that would be a red flag for metastisis would stay in one spot and get worse over time, not better.

1a. i've also been veeeery tired, which has been frustrating. i keep thinking that since i haven't had chemo for a month, and my surgery was 3 weeks ago i should be feeling better. dr. c says that i am right on track. it will probably take 3-4 months to get back to "normal" after completing chemo. and in the world of surgery, 3 weeks apparently isn't all that long. he told me to lighten up on myself considering i'm also working full time and have 2 small kids. so, i guess i'll try to stop feeling so guilty/useless.

2. we will do a "baseline" scan at the end of chemo. not sure if it will be a ct, or a bone scan, or what. perhaps it will be a combination of a few scans to make sure we have a good picture of everything. we're still keeping the wierd bone issue from june in the back of our minds, as well as some small nodules in my lungs that they saw in the very beginning, but have never changed.

3. they have checked with everyone they need to check with, and will begin giving my name/email to newly diagnosed women under 40 so that i can get them right into my support group, and help them navigate the early decisions that need to be made when you're still in a fog :) yay! i think that will be a really good way for me to pay forward all of the support i've had through this :)

4. my type of cancer tends to recurr earlier, rather than later. dr. c says that at 3 years we can start to relax a bit. he feels we'll get there :) my remission date will be July 15, 2110. that is one year from my mastectomies- which was when they took the cancer out, and i was considered "cancer free". you are considered "in remission" one year from when no new cancer has formed.

5. everything looks good now as far as the infection goes :) he's checking on getting me another week's worth of antibiotics to "make sure" but is very happy with the way my incision looks. he also checks my lymph nodes, lungs, and abdomen every time i go in.

so, all is going well. i'm tired, but the steroids should keep me zipping till some time tomorrow... i'm hoping for a good weekend :0) we have plans on friday evening, saturday evening, and sunday afternoon. busy, busy, busy. too busy to be sick!!

no news

i've really got nothing to report, but thought i'd fill you in anyway :) i went to dr. h yesterday, and he did take out my stitches. i don't have to go back to him until after chemo now, unless something flares up somewhere on my other boob, or my incision. not sure about the antibiotics, yet. my current prescription is finished on friday, and i forgot to ask dr. h about it.

tomorrow i go in at 2:30pm to get my labs drawn. then i go up to dr. c to find out if i can have chemo or not. i'm *really* hoping i can get started again. i want to finish this. i'll ask him about the antibiotics. i'm also hoping he'll have some fabulous explanation for why i've been *so* tired since surgery. i haven't bounced back at all. i feel just as worn out as i did when i was getting chemo, and i've been off of it for 3 weeks. i feel like i should feel better than i do. so we'll see if they've got an answer for me.

i've got some thank you's to put out there :) dawn brought us dinner last week- thanks so much!! and michelle and tracy made us dinner this week- tracy made us stuffed peppers, and michelle made us homemade mac-n-cheese. all i can say is *yum*. and thank you so much for helping us out. when i got to work today there was a hello kitty bag in my mailbox. inside the bag was a card from some of my friends; joanne, a.j., and lisa. they had a rummage sale this summer to benefit breast cancer (a.j. is a survivor!) and they decided that they wanted to give some of the proceeds to me- for my benefit :) soooo nice. i can't get over it- it rendered me speechless. which says a lot, you know!

my dad and jill lost their 18 year old kitty today- she had a tumor in her urethra. please send them some good thoughts and big hugs. they could use them!

i'll let you know how it goes tomorrow... here's hoping for chemo!

saturday

not much is new here, just continuing to heal and take antibiotics. i go to dr. h on monday to get my stitches out and decide if i need to continue on 3 more weeks of antibiotics or not. then i go on wednesday for lab work to see if i can have chemo or not. i'll meet with dr. c that day, too. i'm really hoping to start chemo again. i'm ready to be done with all this crap.

my hair has been thinning out, but i still have enough that i don't need to wear a hat or shave my head, so that's good. i'm going on monday to get a trim- around my ears and my neck. i'm trying not to get too attached to it, but losing it again will really suck. i'm guessing when i start chemo up again, it will fall out. or at least thin to the point that i need to shave it. blurg.

i'm really getting nervous about staying healthy and avoiding swine flu, and all the upper respiratory crap that seems to be going around already. if i get sick, then they can't give me my treatments. so i'm trying to avoid all that. and i'm planning to get the vaccines. though i'm not sure if i'll be able to if i'm still on antibiotics. we'll have to see, i guess...

saturday

i have continued to heal well. i'm getting less tired, and feeling pretty good :) i went to see dr. h on thursday, and he said everything looks great- and he took out my drain!! hooray- drain free once again. he also wrote my prescription for my fake boob. he said that i need to stay on my antibiotics for at least 2 more weeks. i can start chemo again the week of the 12th (yay!). at that point dr. h and dr. c (my oncologist) will decide if i need 3 more weeks of antibiotics or not. dr. h said that i *may* not have to wait soooo long after chemo to start my surgery, but he wants to cross that bridge when we come to it. i asked how we'd know when i'm infection free, and he said that when i am off the antibiotics for 10 days and nothing flares up i'll be in the clear.

i went to Kneuppel's today for my new boob. i find it hysterical that that's their name. now, i realize that they sell lots of other equipment, but really, if you're selling boobs, should that be your name??? i love it. anyway, i'm even again for the time being :) that's cool.

i'm going shopping today with lindz. i have to get an outfit for a baby shower tomorrow. i've gained so much weight that nothing fits me. blurg. i really need to stop eating...

so, onto thank you's! my friends are sooo awesome at work. they have organized a weekly dinner sign up for us, so my co-workers are making us dinner on thursday's. so nice! tracy made us pasta and erika made us a chili dinner, and erika's mom added a big bag from breadsmith filled with yummy rolls and pumpkin bread :)

thanks so much for all of your good thoughts and vibes. i'm feeling much better!